Do not take your screaming little mofo to an expensive resort… you’ll just fuck it up for everyone.
Do not be an arsehole to resort staff.
Do not be an arsehole in the buffet restaurant… do you need those 97 prawns on your plate? No.
Do not put your genital-scratching hands all over the food in the buffet restaurant.
Do not use speaker phone anywhere… no-one wants to hear your boring-as-batshit conversation.
Do not reserve a sun lounge with your towel at 4am… especially you, German and English types.
Do not go barefoot anywhere except in the pool, the beach or your room… unless you are a genuine Neanderthal.
Do not go to an expensive restaurant at the resort without making a slight fashion effort… as in shoes.
Do not take 3,000 photos of your food… no one gives a shit, social influenza.
Do not have sex in the pool.
Do not take up the entire pool with some fucking giant inflatable unicorn… you’re not three.
Do not dive in the pool splashing everyone… and ensure your screaming little mofos do not do this.
Do not wear inflatable boxing gloves in the pool on your honeymoon… don’t laugh, this has been witnessed.
Do not wear a bathrobe anywhere outside of your room or in the spa… you are not Hugh Hefner.
Do not bring your screaming little mofos into the spa… it’s not a fucking playground.
Do not be a loud, annoying bastard in the spa… STFU.
Do not leave your skanky in-room dining remains outside your door without calling to have it picked up.
Do not slam your room door like a rude motherfucker.
Do not be an arsehole at a resort.
©Do not be an arsehole.