Do not be that person who tries to cram into an already crowded lift… wait for the next one.
Do not have a loud, boring as batshit conversation on speaker phone in a lift about circling back on frozen orange futures… STFU
Do not have a loud, boring as batshit conversation with your actuarial colleagues in a lift about deep diving into Contingent Annuity Options… STFU.
Do not fumble for three hours with your work access hotel / card trying to get the lift to move… it’s not difficult.
Do not make a shitload of noise getting out of a lift in a hotel… people are trying to sleep and do other things.
Do not try and enter a lift until everyone who wants to get out, has… it’s simple physics, FFS.
Do not stand in the middle of the lift doors waiting to get into the lift until everyone who wants to get out, has… it’s also simple physics, FFS.
Do not knock people over when getting out of a lift… the words “excuse me” work wonders.
Do not block people from getting out of a lift if you are standing near the door… step out, then step back in… it’s not fucking difficult.
Do not let your screaming little mofos be screaming little mofos.
Do not try and enter a lift with your 93 family members / colleagues / sports team / cult members… you will need several lifts.
Do not smoke / fart / sneeze / cough / have sex (with yourself or someone else) in a lift.
Do not do a photoshoot in a lift for your 3 Instagram followers
Do not take a lift for only one floor unless you are 102 or have no legs.
Do not press every button in a lift because you can’t remember which fucking floor you are supposed to be getting out on.
Do not hold a lift door open for three hours while waiting for Trevor… who is still deep diving into Contingent Annuity Options.
Do not be an arsehole in a lift.
*elevator for you non-lift types
©Do not be an arsehole.