Do not park in a disabled parking spot unless you are… “disabled” isn’t gluten-intolerant.
Do not be an arsehole to shop assistants… smile, say hello, say thank you… it’s not difficult.
Do not block the aisle with your trolley while chatting to BFF Allegra about the latest range of activewear… this also means you, ladies.
Do not block the aisles with your big fuck off Bentley pram containing your screaming little mofo Jaxtynn.
Do not pick up fruit or fresh food with your genital-scratching hand, then put it back.
Do not bring every distant family member with you… it’s not what 92 year-old Great Aunt Beryl had in mind as a day out.
Do not suddenly decide you don’t want that watermelon after all and leave it on the toilet cleaner shelf.
Do not piss off when a shop assistant goes out the back to check something for you.
Do not let your screaming little mofos ride their scooters through the supermarket… it’s not a fucking playground.
Do not arrive a nanosecond before closing and do your yearly shopping.
Do not use the self service checkout, they never work properly and you’re doing someone out of a job.
Do not suddenly remember that you forgot the organic numbat milk baba ghanoush while your items are being scanned at the checkout, then disappear for three hours, pissing everyone off.
Do not stand in front of a product on the shelf for two hours examining the soy / lactose / atomic fucking isotope content.
Do not suddenly decide you don’t want that big fuck off 800 pack of toilet rolls and leave it at the checkout.
Do not have a three hour conversation with the shop assistant at the checkout… be nice, but…
Do not take a year to pay for your shopping with one cent pieces… unless you are 103 years old.
Do not take a year to pay for your shopping with expired coupons… unless you are 103 years old.
Do not use the 1 item or less checkout if you have 7,374,021 fucking items.
Do not randomly leave your shopping trolley in the carpark.
Do not take your shopping trolley home… unless you bought it.
Do not be an arsehole at the supermarket.
©Do not be an arsehole.